Readers Beware: Doody Alert!

Hey Readers! I've got the best update ever... if you are a guy who appreciates potty humor. If you are not into potty humor, stop reading. I mean it, stop reading or you may vomit all over your computer.

So, here's your chance...

Stop reading...

So after Tuesday's vomit fest, I felt a little better for youth group on Wednesday. I was feeling better on Thursday, Valentines Day, and I enjoyed a wonderful breakfast with Annie. We had already exchanged gifts for the most part, but I had given her an IOU for a pair of sunglasses (we tried to find some, but they weren't in stock). Anyway, Thursday went off great and we ate dinner at Saigon Noodle House, a great Vietnamese restaurant that is also cheap. We got home from Saigon Noodle and I had to take a deuce. So I sat down on the pot and experienced some explosive diarrheas. Annie was on the phone so she didn't know what was going on with me. I let her know I was having some squirts and that I hoped it would get better, since we were supposed to go to the airport in 2 hours and I hadn't packed for the trip yet. Well, it didn't stop.

I ended up pooping about 9 times in an hour and the last eight seemed to be pure liquid. it was like I was peeing out of my butt or something. At first I was concerned, even worried, but the it became pure comedy because well, it was a hilarious situation. Here I am about to take 11 high-schoolers to the mainland for a winter camp and I need to pack, need to leave in about an hour and a half, and I am absolutely pooping more than anyone has ever pooped before. I mean I am crapping my guts out and trapped on the pot. I was so trapped that I had to ask Annie to run to the Longs Drugs and buy me some Imodium. While she was out, I began to wonder what would happen if my crazy hershey squirts wouldn't stop. I couldn't stay home form the trip, and I might need some diapers or something. Annie was thinking the same thing apparently, and called me asking if I wanted some Depends. I said yes, and she proceeded to ask if I wanted the full diapers or just the liners. I thought liners would be better so I said that.


Fast forward... Annie comes home with the anti-diarrheal and the liners, which are not, in fact, Depends, but rather, they are Stayfree maxi pads. Apparently there was a miscommunication. So she packed up the maxi pads for me, and also packed some of our newly purchased baby wipes ('cause how would I clean up if I did mess the pads). I packed my bag, all except a towel and the Imodium AD worked. So we went off to the airport for our red-eye flight to LA and Forest Home, by way of Bear Mountain. Now the weekend rocked and I will share more about that later, but this post is strictly about doo-doo.

So for the weekend I am in charge (along with another guy leader) of a cabin of four of our high school boys. Anyone who has been around high school boys (or any male for that matter) knows that they love potty humor and farting and pooping. Well, this trip held true to that and by the time we left I'm sure they had to burn our room because we farted so much and had such stinky feet that our stink seeped into the walls of Cedar Inn, cabin H.

Well not only did I continue to have rank gas the whole weekend, which was probably only strengthened by the delicious camp food. But I also experienced aftershocks of Thursday and had more explosive diarrhea in public camp bathrooms because our personal cabin bathroom was clogged up (only one of those was my fault). The situation is this, I am leaving an awesome sermon and headed to our serious cabin discussion debrief and am experiencing ridiculously loud explosive diarrhea that our guys hear because they also used the bathroom. So I get back and enter the cabin to a chorus of laughter because they all heard bombs being dropped form my butt.

Anyway, this is the tip of the iceberg of "The Smelliest Weekend Ever". We laughed hard for most of the trip. One of our campers used the word "beef" more than anyone ever has (as in, "Oh, who beefed it?!?!?!), another camper referred to my farts as smelling like "rice bowl," (I don't exactly know what that means, although they also mentioned it smelling like teri beef) and so much more that has to do with smelly butts and feet. Huge props to Craig Metcalf, the adult leader in the room with us. He put up with more stink and giggling than any grown man ever has and was so great about the whole thing. Most mature adults would have been fully mortified by the display of stink, but Craig loved us through it all.

Well, more about the weekend to come, this one is strictly doody-rific.